I have spent the last few days in bliss I have been lucky enough to have shared a hotel room with an amazing girl and have the opportunity to discuss the type of girl I want to grow / develop into being not just mentally but physically I guess it is important to me because it helps identify who I am.
I have been told off, criticised and laughed at when I talk like this on this blog many of you offer support and I thank you for that but I also get the odd post / email of criticism .
I recently was sent this email:
"why do you moan so much about being a girl, why do you insist on being someone - just be you. God you don't know how lucky you are to be able to dress and you look great. Stop being so annoying and count your blessings"
I understand and I am sorry but I just can not help myself. I need so much to explore the girl inside and try to find comparatives sorry.
A few things have changed in my life recently one of which I now work for a boss who also dresses but he has not come out of the closest and although he is cute, slim and has great looking legs he really is happy dressing part time.
I met him at the textile show and we hit it off he worked out who and what I was I guess like gay guys - cross dressers and tgirls have a 6th sense. We chatted at the bar he was exhibiting his company products and was stuck on the stand but we managed to have a chat on his lunch break and agreed to meet in my hotel lobby that evening and chat.
I hurried back to my room and spent the afternoon preening and pampering myself.
those of you that follow the blog will know that I had a small selection of clothing with me so I tried to mix and match the outfits I had I ended up wearing.
This dress - i had bought it with me hoping to flirt in the hotel bar but now I was glad I had it with me as this would make a great evening dress and something sexy and playful to wear.
The shoes are so yummy they make the whole outfit and match my purse
to keep me all in trim and in check the best compromise in my opinion between support and body shaping and sexy underwear.
Well I waited in the my room till 5 mins past our intended meeting time and then left my room and headed towards the lift.
I past two porters collecting trays from outside guests rooms one nodded and hello the other said good evening miss - this sent a chill down my spine I adore being called Miss.
The change in flooring made obvious by the now load click clack of my heels as I entered the lifts hard floor leaving the soft carpeted hallway I pressed the ground floor button and struck a pose as the lift door closed the mirrored finish reflecting back the charade and I blew myself a kiss. I laughed at myself well more of a giggle and I stepped out of the lift into the lobby area I walked towards the hotel bar remembering to place one foot in front of the other and sway my hips and stand straight and project feminine vibes. The sound of my heels were so loud I could feel eyes on me.
I entered the bar area and found my new friend sitting in a booth drinking a glass of wine. I smiled he stood up and kissed each check and we sat down I giggled he smiled and asked me what would I like to drink I whispered back in as feline manner as possible a glass of dry white wine. He called over a waiter and order for me. He then asked the waiter to bring a bottle of champagne over once we had finished our initial drinks.
The first round of drinks arrived he made a small toast and I smiled and sipped my wine.
He chatted non stop while I smiled and nodded before long the waiter arrived with the champagne bottle and flutes and poured out two glasses and then put the bottle in an ice bucket.
He lifted the glass and said very quietly and solemnly Tabitha I would like you to work for me I have had an amazing year and I can afford to pay you a decent salary for at least a year and if the business continues to do well we can agree a way forward.
Part of your salary will be to spend a few days a month as my friend and help me dress nothing else nothing sinister just simply be my PA, researcher I know you are great at that and also the added element of being my tgirl friend.
I sat there stunned in silence he saw that I was unable to speak and so continued.
I will set up a separate phone line to your home, broad band connection fax etc and I want you to help me understand the markets I want to expand in I want you to manage my meetings and work flow and most of all I want you to make sure I am not forgetting to track my orders and place them we let a number of clients down this year and last because I lost the bits of paper or serviette things were scribbled on.
Well what do you think?
I just looked at him unable to say anything 100's of thoughts ran through my head and he broke my day dream by holding my hand perhaps he said we should go to your room and I can prove I mean well.
I was about to nod and something stopped me no I almost whispered back at him I am interested but I want to make sure I understand why I have told you over the last 2 days that I am being fired and what I do and I am convinced you can find someone better than myself for the post.
He smiled and said yes ok lets be honest - I think you understand the industry but you are not great at the role you currently fill but I think you have an understanding of fashion, I think you are very well spoken and most importantly I think you have the ability to tell me like it is as you will see me at my most vulnerable when I become Lisa in your presence. I tend to over promise and I do not want to ruin the work we have put into building the company.
Lastly I am tired (his eyes glossed over almost like he was going to cry) of being alone in hotel rooms dressed as Lisa with no one to chat too. You do understand...
I nodded and poured him another glass and smiled ok boss when do we start I responded.
He smiled and said right away.
Ok well I know when I get back to London I will have lost my job. So what next.
He lifted his jacket and next to him he had a small laptop bag and began to unzip it and take out his laptop he smiled and said well no time like the present.
We order some food he had the club sandwich and I had a small salad without dressing and a diet coke.
We chatted and planned and organised and before long we noticed it was 2am. I was so alive and enthralled with everything and he acted like a total gentleman and walked me to my room and he left to get a cab back to his hotel.
I took of my heels and dress and then went into the bathroom to take of my make up I took of my underwear and finished cleaning up and then slipped on my babydoll and slide into bed.
The next day was a blur calls and chats and plans afoot as I journeyed back to London.
For the first time in my life plans made were actually plans that happened
1. My redundancy offer arrived - I wrote back and said yes.
2. My new laptop arrived a shiny Mac Book Air
3. My company credit card and official salary letter and pack
4. My new line went in and switched my payment onto the credit card for my broad band
5. I spent days catching up on the CRM system so I could identify customers and what / how and when.
Finally everything was in place
Then a special delivery package arrived and I opened it to find a letter and and invitation to a hotel - the letter explained I would have my own room and I would get to meet Lisa. Just text back "yes on L" was the instruction and the rooms etc would be confirmed via email the next day.
What could I do I was dying to meet Lisa and also this was part of my role my job. So I sent the text back and sat down to get on with work.