Sunday, 14 June 2009


I am in tears, I am so red and ashamed, I have not answered the door today even though Zoe has knocked on the door twice. 

My bottom is bleeding a little and I am in pain. I can not stop getting hard and feeling the need to be used and worst of all.

as if my shame was not enough I have just finished speaking with my sister who has been very upset with my posts and subsequent behaviour. 

She was in tears as was I.

She made me promise to not sleep with John and Zoe again and to try and be normal and I tried to explain that I did not understand why but I needed them 

She cried and almost shrieked at me on the phone not to do it again. 

I am ashamed and yet I keep getting hard I think I may be in real trouble. 

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