what is happening to my head

The more hormones I take the more I walk along the path of female life the more I am confused. Girls both genetic and tgirl does anyone feel that they are no longer who they want or feel they are.

I seem lost in a circle of dressing, masturbating and porn I do not work anymore I feel ashamed and utterly unable to stop myself my mind evokes images like this

I want this to be elegant, womanly, skilled in music and the arts, wealthy and most of all sensual

I adore the idea of sitting in my tight secretarial uniform and working nothing sexual just the act of being a women.

I want to be pure and sensual and a little naughty

I want to be ever so posh and belong to the country club, have wonderfully bitchy friends and talk about our men while we all behave like sluts in the spa.

then my mind wanders and I am on my knees eating dog food and being used like an animal

I am bound and a little kitten

pain is slowly inflicted upon me

shameful images flash before me and my cheeks blush but my clit stirs

I find myself purring

wishing for more

Images of cum flash before me I giggle and lick my lips

I am now a pet tied and with tail I lower my head in shame and my cheeks burn brighter my clit tiny yes but filling with blood and becoming aroused

A cage it is empty and then in a flash I am bound and in it - shame races to my clit and it lowers but the need continues the shame fules another part of me and soon my clit is back on its journey

I am a housewife on my knees begging for my husbands cum I bite my lip and let out a soft moan

The kitten in me turns to a cat and I find my moan turning into a purrr

ooooohhh myyy I hear my Mistress call me and my mind goes blank I will be what ever she wishes me to be....

I am licking her shoes

I am bound

She spanks me and I let out a gasp these images these feelings are all so real so intense

I am know on my knees serving him my everything. I smile knowing it feels right, knowing that I am complete.

but something is wrong I know something is not right something is missing....

I start to cry and like all silly girls start to try and understand what it is - I need mony but I am not hard up I just spend too much, I want a cunt, a pussy I want to be Tabitha but this is impossible becuase Tabby will always be a little bit of who I used to be and I can not be born again I can not be a girl and grow up as one.

What is it what is missing is that it is it my need for a real girls life to feel all there is as a women a girl a teenager or is there something deeper. I am sometimes sub and sometimes dom I find my fantasies take over and I am left in dangerous places and situations.

I needed cock a few nights ago and went out and was totally stupid I met someone and went back to his car and let him fuck me no numbers were exchanged. He used me and then wiped his cock on my knickers and took them as a prize - I left tights ruined, hair in a mess skirt soiled and returned to my car and drove home in tears....

What THE FUCK DO I WANT.....

it finally hit me late last night...

I do not want to have to work, have any responsibilities and most of all I want to be glamourous and be sexy and wealthy to be the life and soul of the party to be fucked to be explored and to explore